Revised Episode: Someone's Seriously Displeased
by midnightstylus
Summary: Revised description of a possible Catherine De Bourgh/Lizzie Bennet confrontation episode, based on the Episode 1-90 universe, including the Pemberley Digital press release regarding the success of the alpha demo of the Domino app. My theory is that, due to the family relationship between Catherine De Bourgh and William Darcy, Collins & Collins will be one of the new partners refer


For a moment it seems as if this isn't the Lizzie Bennet Diaries at all, as the camera is not in its usual place; instead of the stone fireplace of the den, we see greenery - what looks like a hedge, with overgrown grasses sticking out of it haphazardly. Moreover, the camera is wiggling like crazy. After a moment, though, the camera settles and someone walks out to sit down in front of it - Lizzie.

She gives a smile and waves. "Hey, Internet," she opens. "We have some changes going on today!" She gestures towards the camera. "Firstly, I'm actually filming with my phone right now." She doesn't look too pleased. "My mom decided to comandeer my camera today. She wants to take footage of some local banquet halls for Jane to look at. Why, you may ask?" She momentarily affects a southern accent. "Why, as potential _wedding reception locations_, of _course_!" Rolling her eyes and dropping the accent, she gives a long-suffering sigh. "No, Jane and Bing are _not_ engaged...but of course my mother thinks that any day they _will_ be, so, in order to be able to 'spring into action' with plans for the summer wedding that she's _positive_ will be happening this year..." She quirks her mouth with annoyance. "Yeah. So...no camera for me today!"

Another sigh, and she gestures around her. "And the second change, as I'm sure you can see, is the location." A smile crosses her face. "I'm actually treating myself a bit. I just finished my report on Pemberley, so I thought I would celebrate by filming outside, since the weather's really fantastic today." She looks about at her surroundings a bit. "I used to come here and play a lot when I was a kid. It's just a little spot at the side of our house; lots of overgrown pretty...ish...wildernessy bits...the plants smell nice, it's a good place to hang out when you just want a little privacy-"

Her monologue is interrupted by her phone ringing. "Sorry," she says, frowning apologetically as she reaches towards the phone to answer the call. The camera wiggles as she does so. "Hello?" she asks.

"Liz? This is Catherine De Bourgh," comes a cultured, imperious, unamused voice.

Lizzie's eyes go wide with unaffected shock. "Ms. De Bourgh...what a surprise..." she manages to get out.

"Mmm," comes the answer, in an unamused tone. "Liz, I find that _seeing_ the people with whom I'm having a conversation is _vastly_ preferable if one wants _effective_ communication."

Lizzie coughs out a laugh. "Um...well...I don't really see how that's possible..."

A snort can be heard. "It's _quite_ simple, you can download the Domino prototype app that I'm using, simply push the icon on your screen and let's get _on_ with this."

"Domino?" Lizzie repeats, looking surprised and confused. She squints and leans forward to get a closer look at her phone. "Push for video..." she murmurs to herself as she reads the screen. Her finger comes up towards the camera, and the view wiggles again briefly as she touches the phone. "Accept...terms of service..." Lizzie murmurs again, and there's another wiggle and a cheerful "ploink" sound.

Suddenly, an aqua-themed interface overlay pops onto the video, and Lizzie leans back in surprise, blinking rapidly as an in-screen window labelled "Call from Catherine De Bourgh" expands to reveal the face of a very stylish-looking older woman with half-spectacles, dressed in what appears to be an elegant and expensive suit. There is some elaborate jacquard wallpaper behind her, and we can only just see the ears and top of the head of the dog which is presumably seated on her lap, and which she strokes repeatedly. She purses her lips critically. "Ah, there you are," she remarks.

"Uh..." comes Lizzie's bewildered response. "Ms. De Bourgh, I'm actually _filming_ right now, so I think that means you're also on cam-"

"Yes, yes," Catherine cuts in. "I'm calling to speak with you on an important matter." The snooty intonations of her voice and the way she looks down her nose over her glasses towards Lizzie are extremely familiar to anyone who's ever heard Lizzie's imitations of the woman; clearly our heroine's costume theatre portrayal was bang-on.

"Oh...kay...?" comes Lizzie's response.

"I'm sure you know why I have called you," Catherine opens confidently.

Lizzie sinks back into her chair, evidently much confused. "Um...no?"

"Oh, _please_," is the haughty reply, accompanied by an even more sour look. "There is no advantage to be gained from playing dumb with _me_, Liz." As the confusion on Lizzie's face deepens, now beginning to be tinged with irritation, Catherine continues. "At any rate, _I_ prefer to be open and honest in my dealings with others, so I shall speak plainly. A _rumour_ has arisen within the media industry that _you_," the emphasis on the pronoun and the accompanying derisive lift of the eyebrows clearly not intended to be complimentary, "have received, from my nephew, the offer of a job at Pemberley. A very _senior_ position within the company!" Her nostrils flare briefly. "Naturally, given your total lack of any _meaningful_ work experience, the rumour is that such an offer could _only_ have come because you are..." here there is a pause, punctuated only by harsher breathing from Catherine and widening eyes from Lizzie, "_sleeping_ with my poor nephew," she finishes, with utter distate in her tone and expression.

At this last, Lizzie goes instantly white as a sheet, and the only sound that can be heard is the shallow panting of the dog on Catherine's lap. The conversational silence is broken only by Lizzie's pathetic attempt at speech: "Wh...uh...are you...serious?"

"Oh, _don't_ pretend you don't _know_ about this," scorns Catherine; the dog on her lap whines as she gives it a particularly vigorous stroking. "I'm sure _you_ must have been the source of this rumour, so that you could appear well-_connected_ and _sought_-after as a _job_ prospect! Tsk," she chides patronizingly, rolling her eyes in annoyance, "the _desperation_ some people have; the _lengths_ they will go to in order to find _employment_. At any rate," she resumes, "I am here to _insist_ that you recant your story, and set about _squashing_ this rumour at _once_!"

Lizzie's mouth has been getting progressively tighter with every sentence out of Catherine's mouth, and she now retreats into the mood her long-time viewers will have no problems recognizing as 'cold fury'.

"I don't believe I can help you there."

"What?!" comes the enraged response, and there is a pathetic sort of whingey squawk from the poor dog in Catherine's lap as she makes a sudden, involuntary start of indignation. "How _dare_ you. You come from a family on the _brink_ of financial _ruin_! A family which, I might add, only _barely_ escaped the _scandal_ of your younger sister releasing a _sex_ tape for all the world to see! You have _no_ previous employment to speak of, you don't even have a _graduate_ degree, and yet you seek to rise _above_ yourself by conniving for a position in a high-profile media company _far_ beyond your capabilities? My nephew may enjoy the sight of a pretty face and," with a dismissive gesture towards the camera, "some overexposed decollatage, but if you think for one moment that he would condescend to _sleep_ with the likes of _you_, let alone allow his _personal_ life to influence his choice of _employees_? You are _gravely_ mistaken. The staff of Pemberley will _not_ be tarnished by the addition of slutty trash!"

Pushed beyond endurance, Lizzie's eyes and nostrils flare widely; she almost jumps out of her seat. "How dare you?!" she shouts. "Could you possibly be any more insulting?" And not just to me, but to Darcy, who is _perfectly_ capable of making his own decisions for his own company, and his own love life!" Upon realising that she's mentioned "Darcy" and "love life" in the same sentence, Lizzie reddens and falters, subdued. Catherine wastes no time pressing her advantage.

"He is my _nephew_ - I have _every_ right to ensure that he is not taken _advantage_ of by _conniving_ young women such as yourself. Now once and for all, has he made you a job offer?"

The two women glare at each other. Finally Lizzie states, with as much pride as she can muster, "No, he has not."

Catherine's relaxes slightly. "And are you sleeping with him?"

Lizzie's own body seems to slump slightly; she sinks back into her chair. Looking down at her lap, she replies, "No, I am not."

Catherine relaxes even further and smiles with smug satisfaction. "And you will _promise_ me that _neither_ of those things will _ever_ happen," she states imperiously.

Lizzie's expression hardens again; her glance flickers away from the image of Catherine on her screen to look briefly at the camera with a mixed expression of embarrassment, guilt, and irony. Then she takes a deep breath and looks back confidently and angrily toward Catherine. "I will make NO such promise...about _either_ of those things," she says clearly.

The reaction of Catherine's body language is pronounced; she starts again, provoking another hapless squawk. Then, leaning towards the camera, her tone becomes soft and deadly. "I see. So _this_ is your final answer. Well then, _I_ will know how to act. I will exert the _full_ scale of my _influence_ to ensure that you are kept out of the industry _entirely_. Your name will be mud, and there is _certainly_ no way you will _ever_ receive any references from _me_."

And with this, Catherine leans forward to push a button on her phone, and the inline window displaying her image folds up and disappears, leaving Lizzie shaking with fury and fear. Slowly she moves her eyes back to look at the audience again, and takes a deep, steadying breath. She looks like she is about to say something, but then thinks better of it with a little shake of her head. Pursing her lips and reaching out towards the camera with a slightly shaking finger, she mutters to herself, "How do I turn this thing off?" The shot wiggles as she tries pressing a number of things, and finally she growls in frustration. "Arrghhh! What is with this stupid...Domino...I just want to stop recording!"

The screen instantly goes black.


End file.
